In consideration of Nebraska State Senator Megan Hunt’s defamation lawsuit against a fellow local satirical organization that rhymes with Alaska Treedom Demolition, we at The Saltwater Press, in an effort to avoid any legal costs of our own, would like to formally apologize for any falsities we may have published over the years. 

The following list of corrections are completely true and we are deeply sorry for writing anything to the contrary:

• Senator Hunt does NOT smell like an old folk’s home.

• Senator Hunt’s middle name is not ‘Hussein’.

• Senator Hunt is not a soccer fan.

• While in middle school, Senator Hunt never started her own competing line of Hunt’s Ketchup.

• Senator Hunt was not born on May 9th, 1786.

• Senator Hunt did not miss the Unicameral Christmas Party to stay home and watch 4 episodes of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ she had previously recorded on DVR.

These untrue statements should have never been published and were deeply sorry for the hurt and confusion we caused. These falsehoods were only published because Co-Editor Bradleigh Jaimes wants to date her, but we now realize that Bradleigh’s unrequited love is not a justifiable reason to have inflicted this pain.