Reported by: Bradleigh Jaiymes, Saltwater Press Co-Editor

Controversy has struck Lincoln City Hall again, this time with a level of impropriety unseen since middle school. 

Transportation & Utilities Director Greg Greeter succumbed to calls for his resignation after the Lincoln Street Closures Map spelled “BOOBS” using the maps street closures and maintenance live updating software.

What seemed like an innocent and useful municipal website has sparked outrage, with tens of Lincolnites calling or emailing the mayor and city council, all calling for Mr. Greeter’s resignation. One victim was Bertha White, who plans her route to jazzercise using the Street Closures Map: 

“My grandson helps me check the map every day so we don’t get stuck in traffic. He’s such a helpful boy. Smart too! I could just pinch his cheeks right now. He’s truly a wonderful young man, always helpful and always kind. We’re certain that he’ll end up going to Harvard, and if not, at least MIT. He once made me a ceramic flower holder for my wall–just out of the blue! Can you believe it? What a joy he is. It’s b******t that the city allowed him to see such profane language.”

Other calls were less lengthy, but more outraged: “F**k you and your street closures. Get out, now.” was the concise email city council received from local dive-bar proprietor, Benjamin Madsen.

Mr. Greeter wasn’t available for comment, but reports from other city staff claim that a sticky note was left behind by Mr. Greeter, stating that they were “setup”.

This story is still developing.