Jessica Is A B***H And Will Break Your Heart

LocalDating Advice
Written By Dr. Bird
 

Advised by: Dr. Bird, Janitor

Just because you have been seeing someone for over two months, and just because you spilled your most embarrassing secrets because they made you feel safe, and just because you repeatedly talked about a life together in Napa Valley, and even after you bought her multiple coffees at Scooters, ALL OF THAT doesn’t mean she won’t sleep with her ex-boyfriend the second he shows even the slightest interest in her.

I love you Jessica please take me back I swear I’ll start showering regularly!!1!

Co-Editor’s Note: We didn’t want to publish this but Dr. Bird insisted and Joseph thought it was funny.

Dr. Bird

Dr. Bird is proudly the Janitor for The Saltwater Press. His doctorate in custodial studies as well as his knack for choosing the proper dustpan makes him the right person for sifting through the trash we call local politics. At The Saltwater Press, we refuse to clean up after ourselves, because doing so would put Dr. Bird out of a job. And we don’t want to be dicks.

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