PoliSci Major To Walk-On Husker Football Team To Help Future Gubernatorial Campaign

Reported by: Bradleigh Jaiymes, Co-Editor

Robert Rodell Roggee, a Political Science Major from Worms, NE has launched a social media campaign to convince Coach Frost to allow him to  walk-on to the “once great” Cornhusker Football Team, according to a press release from Mr. Roggee’s publicist on Thursday.  

Mr. Roggee, or “Triple R”, as he is known “on the streets” of Worms, says he is basing his platform on the slogan ‘Make Nebraska Football Great Again’. 

“I know Nebraskans,” the eighteen-year-old student went on to say in our exclusive interview, “and there is nothing Nebraskans love more than seeing a guy play Husker football, and then decades later, voting that former Husker into office. Even if that athlete isn’t qualified for that office. Even if that athlete had no major role or achievements on the team. And that former Husker football athlete can be me!”

Mr. Roggee tells us that while he has no athletic abilities or football knowledge, he does know how to “schmooze” donors, which he claims is something that the team needs more than “traditional football skills” right now.

Mr. Roggee continued: “This program is in vital need of some money. With Name, Image, and Likeness laws now allowing students to make phat stacks while playing in college, fewer donor funds are going to the school and more are going to the athletes actually doing the work. And I think Mr. Frost knows that his budget, and in particular, his salary, will have to shrink unless someone can save the day. And here I am. Put me in, coach!”

Only time will tell if Mr. Roggee’s plan pays off, but if Jim Pillen’s recent win in the GOP Primary is any indication, his plan may just work.