Senator Groene Resigns After “Panty Raid” Debacle

Sen. Groene tries to convince colleagues that he is completely innocent on the Capitol Floor.

Reported by: Bradleigh Jaiymes, Saltwater Press Co-Editor

Last week, Nebraska State Senator Mike Groene of North Platte resigned after allegations of sexual misconduct, including a “Panty Raid” on several female senatorial colleagues.

“I don’t understand what the issue is. Back in my day, the panty raid was a sacred rite of passage and a compliment to the original owners of the panties”, stated Groene. “Moreover, I might add, we only targeted the attractive ones. Seriously, get over yourselves”.

Upon news of the event, colleagues of Groene, composed of both Republicans and Democrats, spoke out against his actions. Even beloved North Platte restaurateur Eugene Crabbes, a longtime friend of Groene, spoke out against Groene’s actions.

In the apparent invasion of privacy, perpetrated over the course of two weekend nights, it is alleged that Groene pilfered at least twenty undergarments from his victims’ homes.

A witness to one of the “raids”, Chad Goulka, who wishes to stay anonymous, recounted the story with disgust: “Have you ever seen a grown man wear women’s underwear on their head like a ‘ninja’? It’s unbecoming of a grown man, let alone a senator, to behave like that. Especially with stolen undies”

At the time of writing no charges have been filed against Mike Groene.

This story is still developing.