Joe Exotic Convinced Carol Blood is just Carole Baskin in Disguise

Reported by: Elanor Foster, Registered Voter

Late last night the Nebraska Republican Party received an anonymous phone call from Federal Medical Center, Fort Worth informing them that the caller believes Gubernatorial Candidate Carol Blood to be an alias for Carole Baskin. 

The caller warned that if elected “that b*tch Carole ‘Blood’ Baskin would intentionally ruin both the Henry Doorly Zoo and the Lincoln Children’s Zoo so that Nebraskans would have no choice but to travel to Big Cat Rescue”. 

The caller, who insisted to stay anonymous, continued: “She wants to be the only show in North America”. He also warned that Blood’s husband is in danger, and the state needs to do whatever it can to protect him before he becomes “tiger food”.

Phone records at Federal Medical Center, Fort Worth indicate that the call was registered to inmate Joseph Allen Maldonado-Passage, better known by his stage name Joe Exotic, the “Tiger King”. Mr. Exotic could not be reached for questioning, but his lawyer said that it was “preposterous” to believe his client to be “so obsessed” with Ms. Baskin to interfere with Nebraska politics.

Carole Baskin was quoted saying: “Carol Blood and I are absolutely two different people. Any Cool Cat or Kitten can see that! Just because we look the same, and have the same first name, and the same initials, and sound the same, and have never been seen in the same room at the same time does NOT mean we are the same person! For god’s sake, she doesn’t have an ‘e’ in her first name, it’s undignified. And besides, Ms. Blood has an awful taste in fashion anyway.”

When trying to set up a three-way conference call, Ms. Blood’s line always rang as busy while Ms. Baskin was on the call.