Reported By: Bradleigh Jaiymes, Saltwater Press Co-Editor

Lincoln native Leroy Huxby is “peeved” with the local grocer SuperSaver regarding their selection of doughnuts. His discontent has driven him to file suit against the grocer’s parent company, B&R Stores Inc, for false advertisement.

The self-proclaimed “doughnut enthusiast” and “masochist” has been repeatedly disappointed by the state of the doughnut selection at SuperSaver. Reportedly having eaten several dozen doughnuts from each of their stores over the past four years, he claims to be consistently dissatisfied with their products, claiming that all doughnuts have significantly deviated from the promises made in advertisements.

“I saw Jane Raybould’s commercial, and that’s precisely what I’m into—a mean doughnut”, said a frustrated Huxby. “Sure, some were tough, and a couple of them even called me a c**t, but none of that makes for a truly mean doughnut”.

Damages are being sought for the inflation-adjusted costs of procuring the doughnuts and the three hospital visits that were incurred after Huxby sought medical attention for erections that lasted longer than four hours.

“They were always just a tease”, stated a dejected Huxby.

Total claims filed in the suit amount to nearly $56,000 plus attorney costs. Jane Raybould did not respond to our request for comment, but B&R Stores Inc’s attorney said that the claims made in Raybould’s congressional campaign advertisement were just “puffery”.

A district judge will be taking up the case in June.