Lincoln’s Top 10 Public Sinks to Piss Into
After decades of research, I have found the best public sinks in Lincoln to pee into. This list is composed of only sinks available to the general public that require little to no financial cost to access.
Lincoln Mayor to Change “Problematic” Street Names
Changes are coming to a roadway near you; in today’s press announcement, Mayor Gaylor-Baird announced her selection for the newly created ‘Road Liaison Coordinator’ position. The Coordinator—a former employee of Cultiva—will be tasked with “keeping an ongoing dialogue with the streets of Lincoln”. The first task of the newly minted Road Liaison Coordinator will be to carry out the Mayor’s executive order to rename “problematic” roadways around Lincoln…
Lincoln Mayor Declares All Roadways Identify As Repaired
In her first public remarks since winning reelection, Lincoln Mayor Leirion Gaylor-Baird claimed that all of Lincoln’s city roadways are fully repaired, though her reasoning has come under scrutiny.
Opinion: Yelling at Customers 'OK' if They are Big Meanies
Hi, I’m Nadine Whippersnatch, and I’m writing to the Saltwater Press to inform you on how employment *should* work everywhere, even in right-wing Lincoln, Nebraska.
Lincoln Man Sues SuperSaver for False Advertisement
Lincoln native Leroy Huxby is “peeved” with the local grocer Super Saver regarding their selection of doughnuts. His discontent has driven him to file suit against the grocer’s parent company, B&R Stores INC., for false advertisement. The self-proclaimed “doughnut enthusiast” and “masochist” has been repeatedly disappointed by the state of the doughnut selection at Super Saver…
Mothers Against Phallic Buildings (MAPB) to Protest at State Capitol
Another protest is coming to Lincoln, and this time, the cause hits a little deeper. Mothers Against Phallic Buildings, more commonly known as “MAPB”, will be at the Nebraska State Capitol Building next Thursday to protest what they have dubbed: “The Penis of the Plains”.
Lincoln City Council Moves to Annex Ashland In Effort to End Mayoral Mansion Debacle
In this week’s Lincoln City Council meeting, Councilman Tom Beckius proposed the annexation of Ashland, making it within Lincoln’s city limits.
The bizarre proposal would annex a two-foot path adjacent to Cornhusker Highway leading into Ashland, zig-zagging to avoid…